Ground yourself by feeling your feet firmly on the floor.This will help
you to be present and accepting of what is happening.
Use open questions: such as How,When,Where,Who,What, and Why
(although be a little careful with Why, as it can sometimes sound
accusatory or intrusive). Open questions give the message that you are
paying attention, and will encourage your relative or friend to talk frankly.
Using direct questions: Asking ‘Are you frightened of dying?’ or ‘What
are your fears about dying?’ provides an opportunity for honest
communication. However, it can take courage to put such questions to
someone for whom you care deeply.
Using indirect questions: A softer approach can be to use an indirect
question such as ‘I wonder whether there’s anything you want to talk to
me about?’ or ‘Perhaps there’s something bothering you which you want
to tell me about?’ or ‘What can I do to help you at the moment?’This
gives your relative or friend the choice to respond, or to say no. Providing
choice is empowering.They may decline initially, but will know the door
is open if they want to talk about it later. Indirect, exploring questions
give the signal that you are safe to talk to, and that you care.
Leading questions: You can also gently ask leading questions to find out
how they are feeling, such as,‘If you become really ill, would you like me
to sit with you?’ or ‘If you become ill, what medical care would you like?’
or ‘Have you ever thought about what you want to do with your
belongings?’ or ‘Have you thought about what kind of service you would
like at your funeral?’Again, this provides the dying person with the choice
to respond or not.
Using short statements: These can also provide comfort.You might say
‘If there ever comes a time when you want to talk about something or
you feel frightened, please do tell me’.This gives your relative or friend
permission to talk in his or her own time, without expectation.
It’s okay to cry: Crying is a natural response to emotionally charged
situations. Being brave enough to express your grief can have a powerful
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