Supporting a Friend who is
Grieving: Concrete Ideas
Help them with the funeral thank
you notes: help address the enve-
lopes, buy stamps, take them to
the post office.
Call or text them: just check in.
Don’t be offended when they
ignore your calls…keep calling &
texting, but assure them you don’t
expect a response.
Be helpful: make them dinner,
clean their house, watch their kids.
Invite them over for the holidays:
don’t be offended if they turn you
down, keep inviting.
Invite them out or over for dinner,
movie,
events: don’t be offended if
they turn you down, keep inviting
and assure them it’s ok to say no.
Remember dates (anniversaries,
holidays, birthdays), share photos,
talk about the person who died,
tell stories, say their loved ones
name!
Just be there!
*adapted from www.whatsyourgrief.com
Interested in becoming a volunteer? Visit our website
at www.childrensgriefglbr.org and learn how you can help!
Children's Grief Center • PO Box 2763 • Midland, MI 48641-2763 • 989.495.9335 • www.childrensgriefglbr.org
Open House
March 14, 2016
Spirit Hockey Game
March 19, 2016
Annual Luncheon
April 20, 2016
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for more news & events
childrensgriefglbr.org
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Events
Vol. 1 Issue 1
The CGC Newsletter - Sharing Hope, Healing &Connection in the Great Lakes Bay Region
Supporting a Friend Who is
Grieving: Do's and Don'ts
How to Write a
Sympathy Card
DO...
Do choose a simple card that fits
your friend that you can personalize.
Do handwrite a personal message,
talk about the person who died &
validate their loss.
If you offer help or support, make
it specific, babysit their child, clean
their house, mow their lawn, etc.
Do plan to send a card or letter
after all the “hoopla” has died
down. After the funeral everyone’s
life will go back to normal except
the family of the person who died.
Do remember to send a card on
the anniversary of their death and
even every couple of months just
to let them know you are thinking
about them.
DON’T...
Don't tell the family their loved one
is in a better place.
Don't offer something you can’t
deliver.
Don't rehash the tragedy
Don't say anything on the What’s
Your Grief “what not to say” list:
http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/
what-not-to-say-after-a-death/
*adapted from www.whatsyourgrief.com
About The
Children's Grief
Center GLBR
Who we are….
The Children’s Grief Center of the Great
Lakes Bay Region is for children and
teens who have experienced the death
of a parent, sibling, close family member
or friend.
We understand that each grief journey
is unique, but there is comfort in the
company of others who have had a
similar experience. Through peer
support groups using art, storytelling,
theater and games, we create a healing
environment to grieve.
How it works…
The Children’s Grief Center serves
children ages 5-18 in age-specific
groups. Meeting throughout the school
year; each child has the opportunity
to share, support and be supported as
they learn to move through their
grief in a healthy way. A concurrent
family group is on-site for adult family
members.
The Children’s Grief Center is a 501(c)3
non-profit organization that offers its
services at no charge to all children
and families. We rely on the generosity
of individuals, foundations, businesses
and organizations in the surrounding
communities for ongoing support of
our programs. If you would like to make
a donation you may do so by visiting
our website at childrensgriefglbr.org.
DON’T…
Don't let your own sense of helpless-
ness or uncomfortable feelings keep
you from reaching out or avoid them.
(Being avoided can add to the pain
of an already painful experience.)
Don't say that you “know how they
feel.” (even if you have had similar
experience, everyone’s situation is
different.)
Don't say things like: “you ought to
be feeling better by now” or any-
thing else that implies a judgment
about their feelings.
Don't tell them what they should
feel or what they should do.
Try to find something positive (e.g., a
moral lesson, closer family ties, etc.)
about the death.
Don't point out “at least they have
their other…”, “say they “can always
have another…” or suggest that they
“should be grateful for their so-and-so…”
Don't tell a bereaved parent, “You
are so strong. I could never be that
strong if I lost a child.” (A bereaved
parent may hear, “You obviously
don’t love your child as much as I
love mine, because you are function-
ing and I would be devastated.”)
DO…
Let your genuine & sincere concern
and care show.
Be available to listen or to help with
whatever else seems needed at the
time.
Allow them to express as much un-
happiness as they are feeling at the
moment and are willing to share.
Encourage them to be patient with
themselves, not to expect too much
of themselves and not to impose any
“shoulds” on themselves.
Allow them to talk about the death
& their loss as much and as often as
they want to.
Talk about the special, endearing
qualities of the person that died.
Remember they continue to need
your care and support after the first
few weeks or months have passed.
*adapted from www.thekitenetwork.com
What to Send Instead of
Flowers after a Death
Check if the family has listed an “in
lieu of flowers” in the obituary, funeral
home website.
A tree, shrub or memorial stone: this
can be planted as a lasting memorial.
Photo’s the family doesn’t have. It
may difficult at first however over
time the family will love to have these
pictures. Consider putting the pic-
tures on a CD or in an album.
A self care gift: put something
together to assist the family to take
care of themselves. A gift certificate
for a massage, or yoga class. Or
a basket filled with their favorite
snacks, a candle, magazine, fuzzy pj’s,
a favorite movie, etc.
Something practical: a gift certifi-
cate for a house keeper, lawn care
service, or delivered meals. Or do
these things yourself for the person
or family. Having these things taken
care of can be a relief and give them
a sense of hope.
Letters or stories: organizing family
& friends to write letters and stories
about the person who died and
compile these in to a book would
be priceless! This would be a lasting
keepsake for the family, especially
children.
Something for the children: keeping
in mind the child’s age & interest a
gift such as a stuffed animal, a journal,
a coloring book, movie, games, or
reading book (check with the Chil-
dren’s Grief Center for a recommend-
ed book list) and share information
about community resources such
as the Children’s Grief Center Peer
Support Groups!
*adapted from www.whatsyourgrief.com
CHILDREN’S GRIEF PEER SUPPORT GROUPS
To Register:
New families can register through the website or call
direct and schedule their orientation before attending
their first group session.
Contact Information:
Camille Gerace Nitschky (989) 495-9335 or (989) 859-1801
email: c[email protected]
or visit us online at www.childrensgriefglbr.org.
Look on the Bright Side
Instead of “You are lucky your Mother died peacefully”
Try “I was very sad to hear the news about your Mother”
Instead of “Everything happens for a reason”
Try “It is impossible to know why these things happen”
Instead of “Be grateful, it could have been worse”
Try “You’ve had to deal with so much all at once”
Instead of “You are going to be just fine”
Try “I believe in you”
Instead of “You shouldn’t be so angry”
Try “It isn’t fair, is it?”
Instead of “Try to stay positive, it’s better for you”
Try “It’s really great to see you smile even while you are
coping with everything”
Myths about the God Stuff
Instead of “This was all part of God’s plan”
Try “What is helping you get through these hard days?”
Instead of “This is God’s will”
Try “I hope things get easier for you”
Instead of “God works in mysterious ways”
Try “I can come over to make you dinner if you like”
Instead of “God tests our faith”
Try “It must be very difficult getting through these
days”
Instead of “You need to pray more”
Try “I will be sending you my thoughts & prayers”
Keep up your Strength
Instead of “You need to stay strong (for the kids, etc)”
Try “I’m here, if you want to talk now, or anytime”
Instead of “You are strong like your mother”
Try “I’m so glad you are here today, it’s great to see you”
Instead of “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
Try “How are you doing/handling all of this?”
Instead of “God doesn’t give more than you can handle”
Try “It sounds like this is really overwhelming and hard”
Instead of “Be strong, and you’ll get through just fine”
Try “I can only imagine how you are coping”
Isn’t it About Time?
Instead of “It’s been a year, it’s time to move on”
Try “Take all the time you need for yourself”
Instead of “You need to keep busy”
Try “You know yourself & what you need”
Instead of “You have your whole life ahead of you”
Try “Give yourself time, there are no rules”
Been There Done That!
Instead of “I understand how you feel”
Try “I can only imagine how hard this must be for you”
Instead of “At least you were able to say goodbye...”
Try “I’m so sorry this has happened to you”
*adapted from www.mymichaelsplace.net
Show Your
Support!
Donate Online
Today!
PO Box 2763 • Midland, MI 48641-2763 • 989.495.9335 • www.childrensgriefglbr.org
Sometimes it’s hard to find
the right words to say...
"Our mission is to provide
a healing environment for
children, teens & their families
who are grieving a death."
